I coulda been a contender!

At the age of 7 or 8 as we were trooping off a muddy football pitch at Grange school (well, actually it was the playing field behind Avondale school), Mr Baines called out to me to say, "You in the yellow socks, I'll be keeping my beady eye on you!"  These days he would have been in police custody before the day was out after a quick call to Childline, but back then I assume, and hope he was referring to the excellent game of football I'd just played.  And the "yellow socks" were a pair of Leeds United away strip socks of the early 70's vintage with the blue and white stripes at the top.  I have no idea how I ended up with them - I had no footballing allegiance at this time and my father was a died in the wool Man Ure fan, i.e. he never visited Old Trafford.  More than likely they were a hand-me-down from a cousin or uncle.  You know, the sort of thing we did in the past, before kids demanded all the latest designer labels that their friends have, or Facebook told them they must own.

Nothing came of it though.  I never got to play football for the school team.  However, just a couple of years later I was captain of Grange cricket team.  Partly down to talent, even though we had a future County player in our ranks, but mainly because Mr Baines had just joined my father's cricket team and fancied batting above number 11 at some point!  It still didn't get me a game of football, but at least I caught the eye sufficient to be mentioned in despatches.

Moving on several years and I was part of the all conquering "Oakley House" at Kettering Boys' School.  "Oakley House?" you ask?  Well, back in the late 70's the Boys' School still held to the old ways and divided the pupils into four different groupings for sporting events.  Somehow every single boy with any discernible sporting ability seemed to have been put into Oakley House, and we wiped the floor with everyone at cricket, rugby, athletics and football.  The other houses of Deene, Kirby and....er.... Gryffindor were on the receiving end of fearful beatings at the hands of the dynamic Oakley heroes.  Yours truly played well enough at right back in the footballing team, although, truth be told, as we usually won by double figure scores I wasn't unduly stretched.  In fact, against the impossibly poor Kirby House I'm not entirely sure I kicked the ball all game!

Also during my time at KBS I scored a goal during a games lesson where I picked up the ball on the corner edge of the box and curled it into the top corner of the net.  Yes, you Henry Gotchers, WE had nets,even for mere Games lessons!  The goal wasn't intentional.  Never one to push my own plate up I had meant the effort as a cross, but what the hey, it flew in and I was happy to take the plaudits.

"C'mon you Helmets!"

That was it football wise until my late 30's when I joined in with some mates for a Thursday night kick around down at the KLV.  I spent 99.9% of the time playing in defence, but on one sparkling occasion I joined in an attack where, in one sweeping move, I dummied one man, laid off the ball with a back heel, AND was there at the end to sidefoot the ball home.  Wallop!  Take that!

At this time I was also playing 'keeper for the infamous "Shiney Helmets" in the KLV Sunday 7-a-side league.  With the likes of myself, Justin Lovegrove, Jon Dunham in the team, we were certainly not on the dainty side!  However, I can remember making at least a couple of saves that could have almost been considered world class, even if I say so myself! 

One involved tipping a ball around the post from practically point blank range, whilst another of note was getting finger tips at full stretch to a ball all but in the top corner of the goal.  I may even have punched the air and high fived my teammates after that one!  After I managed to prise myself my broken body off the rock hard floor that is!

So, why I am running through my rather meagre collection of footballing memories?  Well, it struck me that in this Youtube age when players can get a professional contract based upon a slickly put together montage of their best bits of play, backed with an appropriately rocky music track, that I missed a trick!  If only someone had been on hand to film these half dozen moments of football finery I could have caught Imraan's / Morrell's eye, signed a professional contract at the Poppies and, as we speak, been angling for a move to Brackley, or even, God forbid, Corby in order to not dread payday!  Ah well!