Thursday 27 August 2009

We’re so PC it hurts!

“Isms” are a blight of our modern, enlightened society. Football has never been immune from outdated and un-pc views, but generally the situation is improving. Footballing “isms” that continue to persist include racism, sexism, heightism, hairism, weightism, ageism and er, jism.

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Racism has pretty much been banished from football grounds, to such an extent that these days black footballers are forced to buy their own bananas, as racist yobs rarely supply them.

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Sexism, alas, seems likely to remain part of terrace culture. Certainly as long as the football grounds are awash with fit birds anyway.

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Heightism still rears its ugly head, though obviously not too high. Most opposition teams are still blessed with a nasty short-arsed player, making up for a lack of inches with a chip on their shoulder, and a hair-trigger temper.

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Hairism is almost entirely absent these days. Gone are the days of mocking comb-overs at one end of the spectrum and pony-tails at the other. These days most players have sensible short haircuts, except for the odd twat with a couple of buckets of gel on their heads and their hair pointing in all different directions.

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Weightism continues unabated. A player seen to be a pound or two over their fighting weight can expect to be taunted mercilessly by our collection of tubbies and butterballs.

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Ageism, given my new-found advanced age, the age of players is no longer the burning issue for abuse it once was. Once you could chide experienced old pros, who had dropped into Non-league to eek out a few more pay days from their creaking legs. These days, players over 30 are classed as veterans, and if they are nudging middle thirties we all marvel that the poor old dear can tie the laces on their boots, let alone run around in them!

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Jism hasn’t been such a big problem, at least not since we equalised against Fulham last season.

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