Saturday, 3 December 2016

Ah, Sutton....


These days, to Joe Public, 1989 is the name of an album by willowy, wanton, serial-boyfriend dumping, pop-siren Taylor Swift.

"It really is ANY excuse, isn't it?

To Poppies fans it recalls the defeat of Halifax Town and Bristol Rovers in the FA Cup.

"Now, that's more like it!

To the rest of the footballing world, 1989 is Sutton United beating Coventry City.  I suppose that's fair enough.  We beat a team near the top of what now is League One.  Sutton beat a "Premiership" team.  So, it's no real surprise Sutton's victory is plastered all over the media, and our win isn't.  Our victory means pretty much nothing to anyone outside of the NN15/16 postcode region.

No true-thinking Poppies fan would begrudge Sutton the limelight over that win.  How could we?  Where Sutton do stick in our craw (leaving aside a certain hammering they gave us) was what happened in the 4th round of the Cup that year.

Both them and us had away games against top division opponents, but while Sutton were well and truly stuffed, mounted and placed over the fireplace by Norwich, we pushed Charlton Athletic all the way, and could have forced a replay.  While Suttton supporters had a tiny corner of Carrow Road to watch the mounting horror from between their fingers, we took over Selhurst Park and packed out the mighty Holmsdale Terrace to holler ourselves hoarse.  Yet again Sutton got all the plaudits and coverage despite losing track of the goals conceded, while we got a 10 second clip at the end of Match of the Day.

At the time we can all remember seeing more footage of the Sutton players doing a lap of "honour" at Norwich than goals being scored at our game.  More interviews with their senile Manager.  And then yet more footage from the Coventry game.  Followed by yet more poetry from the Boss, as he was knighted.

And for us?  A chortling, thirty second clip on About Anglia and a pull out in the ET.  Grrrr...!

You know, I think I can see myself....

Friday, 2 December 2016

FIFA getting even tougher!

"To KTFC from FIFA.

Sirs, in our continued efforts to stamp out overt political
symbols from our valuable beautiful game, it has been brought to our
attention by a club we cannot name, but were reformed after their
previous incarnation died after under 20-years, the you have been displaying
a Poppy logo for some time now.

We cannot allow this state of affairs to continue.

FIFA believe a backhander legitimate fine of 10,000
Swiss Francs for every transgression would be fair.

There are three of these accursed Poppies on each badge
x 15 players, x 42 games x 144 years.

Consequently, we require by end of play tomorrow
CHF 2,721,600,000.

However, we'll probably look the other way for a couple
of grand and an old-style toblerone.

Signed, FIFA"

Thursday, 17 November 2016

What a surprise.....

FIFA to punish Scotland and England over Poppy display

....the article suggests a fine, rather than points deduction is the likely outcome.

Wow - what a shock.  FIFA has its hand out again!

Perhaps we should just have bunged them a back-hander to begin with.

Wednesday, 16 November 2016

Li Lo Deflates: A Town Mourns

The night of June 23rd.  History in the making.  Britain votes to leave. Lindsay Lohan has a pop at Kettering.

"#REMAIN Sorry but #KETTERING where are you" she tweeted in derision at this obvious example of Nowheresville UK, the kind of insular backwater that would turn its back on the wider world.

Amazing to think that the Herbie: Fully Loaded star was capable of such insight.  Clearly a lot better informed than many suspected.   

But trust good old Philip Hollobone to bristle at the slur, demanding in Parliament that the offending celeb, best known recently for extended spells in rehab, drug violations and sundry other felonies, “redeem her political reputation” by switching on the town’s Christmas lights.   

Anyway, on hearing of this she agreed. Then forgot about it 5 seconds later and fired off another tweet about Syria or something.

Months passed.  Kettering BC waited patiently for her people to get in touch to firm up arrangements.  Nothing.  Phil tried to help but admitted “it’s simply not been possible to track her down”.  Always a challenge when dealing with someone so famously reclusive and publicity shy. 

Could it be that she was really going to disappoint her legions of blank eyed teenage fans in NN15, and pass up the opportunity to flick the festive switch?

Sadly, yes.

Luckily there’s a happy ending to this shallow celebrity tale.  KBC reached deep into its book of contacts and pulled out an absolute cracker who, by a happy coincidence, was already booked to appear in the local panto!   Who needs Hollywood when you’ve got this kind of glamour!!

Tuesday, 15 November 2016

Poppies late winner causes pandemonium.....

....among the online, angry teen community.

Most online contributors on "Marcus Must Die", sorry, KTFC Chat, seem genuinely annoyed that THEIR team has won a game.

Perhaps time to lose the photo from the top of the Facebook page, unless "Loyal Poppies" is meant to be ironic?

Saturday, 5 November 2016

If there's one thing we can be certain of.......'s that St Ives's players and supporters
weren't celebrating this time as though
they had just won the league!

Spare me from the whiny few!

The most casual of glances over the various online Poppies outlets will confirm just one thing - the majority of fans want Law out.

Well, perhaps not the majority of fans.  More the majority of those who are online the most.

Well, perhaps not the majority of those that are online most.  More the majority of those who type in angry CAPITAL LETTERS.

Well, perhaps not the majority of those who who type in angry CAPITAL LETTERS.  More the majority of those who can find nothing worth commenting upon when we win, but are apoplectic beyond all reason whenever another team dares to defeat us.

The opportunity to bitch online has opened a whole new horizon of bellyaching to the average Poppies fan.  Once upon a time the only outlet we had for displeasure was to grumble loudly at the final whistle.  And then go into the Social Club and moan a bit more about a club we continued to fund with our ale purchases.  An hour later and Mick Groom had our names down to go on the Pirate coach to Barrow the following Tuesday evening, using up a day's holiday and spending another fortune in the support of the Poppies.

That was how we complained about stuff in the good old days!

Except for the one time we actually held a demonstration against a sitting Poppies manager.  Yes, my motley collection of whiny Keyboard juntanistas, we Poppies fans made the effort to go to the ground and demonstrate!  That's right. We put on our warmest winter clothing and walked up to Rockingham Road on an evening that there was no game, and noisily protested outside the ground during a training session.  I imagine our current generation of whinging ingrates will find this difficult to comprehend, given that not all of them can even work up the gumption to attend our games, let alone choose to make our feelings of despair known on a night when there was no game at all.

Admittedly, this was the only time in my years supporting the Poppies that I can recall this sort of thing happening.  It occurred during the fag-end of Peter Morris's second stint in charge.  We were still smarting from an FA Trophy humbling at the hands of Histon (who back then were at least 35 leagues below us), and far too many reverses in the League to handle.

Reaching the Trophy final the season before had bought Morris a little more time, but no amount of papering was going to cover the gaping cracks of his managerial frailties.  The Saturday before our famous one-off demonstration there was a slight dry run where a perhaps twenty of us put down our pint pots in the Social Club and marched the dozen or so steps to the directors entrance in the main stand to register our discomfort with the Morris regime.  I can't remember which club worthy headed us off at the door, but we bleated politely to him for a few minutes before returning to our drinks.  And then, more than likely, booked our seats for the following midweek away game at Dover.

About the same number of we malcontents turned up for our actual demonstration.  Once assembled we did have a few moments of hesitation when it dawned on us that we didn't really know what we should be doing.  Never having demonstrated before we had no clue how we should go about it!  We eventually managed to shout a few chants which were balanced between support for Kettering Town Football Club, mixed with our opinions on Morris's shortcomings.

Demonstrating used to take an effort -
not just a thumb and a WiFi signal

I doubt our effort made much impact, but within a week or two we were gumped at home by Morecambe, and Mallinger finally pulled the trigger.  The tragedy being that had he dismissed Morris a week earlier we might just have avoided relegation, as the team eventually came within an ace of pulling off a great escape.

One real, honest-to-goodness demonstration in the past 30-odd years.  Not really much of a record is it?  And, looking at the quality of our young, and not-so-young malcontents these days, who prefer to complain by emojis, unlikely to be added to any time soon.